These Spoiled Little Brats

The Story

Today I woke up to a text message from my girlfriend saying that her final exam for high school was cancelled for the day and that it would be tomorrow. The reason? Weather conditions. So I get out of bed and head to my window expecting to see an apocalyptic snowfall. To my surprised the streets were as clean as a summer day. I go back to my phone and in a funny tone I ask my girlfriend why did they cancel if there is not a flake of snow outside. She tells me it was that they cancelled the school buses due to extreme temperatures. Again, I had some expectations in my head and so I turn on my TV expecting to see temperatures of about -30 degrees Celsius. To my surprise it was -17degrees Celsius; just a regular cold day of Canadian winter. After that, I get a couple of messages from girlfriend saying how cold it is and happy about school being cancelled; typical reaction, not only for her, but for all the kids when they learn the school day has been canceled. I lay in bed again and I really start thinking about the problems this conveys.

The Problem

As I get to my grade 9 class I see a kid rushing through the school doors. The kid was a little younger than I was (back home high school and elementary school are together); he was of darker complexion, he had dirty hands and shoes, and his shirt was untucked but he was fixing it as he was dashing through the doors. He held a red plastic bag in which he carried 1 notebook and a pencil. School hadn’t started to I begin a conversation with the kid and he was telling me how he had to run because he finished work later than expected. I got curious about a kid so young working (although is not a surprise in a third world country) so I asked him to tell me more. He starts telling me about how every morning he wakes up at 4 AM to go grind corn so that his grandma can make tortillas, once she is done making them he goes around the houses selling the tortillas and when he is done he gets ready and walks about 1.5 km to get to school. Although the kid inspired me some sort of sadness, this was nothing out of the ordinary in my country and specially in a public school. The problem starts with this little brats in the developed countries.

I lived in Nicaragua until I was well into my teen years and then I moved to Canada. I was telling my girlfriend how concerned I was about what she told me; she thought I was being extra until I started lecturing her on appreciation. How am I supposed to teach my kids to appreciate the commodities that they have, compared to the kid I met that day, if the school cancels a day for a bit of cold weather? Now just picture this: they didn’t cancel school, they canceled the buses for cold weather, this means that they wanted to save these teenagers the 30 agonizing seconds from their door to their school bus when back home you had kids, much younger, having to wake up to work and then walk ridiculously long distances. This is a concerning problem, younger generations, especially 2nd generation immigrants, will kill the values that their parents acquired through sacrifice, they are growing up in houses in which the temperature can be controlled, in a country that doesn’t want you to take 30 seconds of cold breeze to get to school, in a life where everywhere they go there is internet connection so that they can snap their food at the mall with a caption “Friday vibes”. The parents of these kids most likely had leave all of their lives back home so that these little brats can call an Uber when it’s raining and they can’t walk 10 min. Their parents struggle with language, alienation, and adaptation to a new country so that they can slam the door screaming “I’m not your slave” when asked to wash the dishes. Most likely their parents work a job that pays less than $20/hr and they have to work over time so that the little prince/princess can have the latest IPhone and then complain about the color of it.

If you’re a teenager who is just laying on his double bed with a 4K TV in your room, just reading this in your IPhone XS and you just slammed the door on your parents because they just asked you to take out the trash and your spoiled ass got mad cause it’s cold, I have something to tell you: you fucking disgust me and you are everything that is wrong with this generation. If you’re a parent and your kid just went to his/her room, where he has his IMac computer and a PS4, mad after you telling him or her to do laundry, get up and turn off the internet, take away his phone and his TV and his computer, and turn off the heat for 2 hours, I promise they won’t die. Take everything that had made him believe that getting all those commodities is easy. Take his gaming console and his headphones, leave him with just a bed and some blankets, and when his hunger is bigger than his pride and he comes downstairs looking for food tell him that he doesn’t have a maid and to cook for himself. Please, we have to teach this new generation to be grateful for all the things they have, we need to teach them to appreciate their internet and their phones and their car and their headphones because you worked hard to give it to them and it’s not fair that they take it for granted. If our society doesn’t learnt to appreciate big commodities like a car or a $1000 phone, then how can we even phantom to appreciate smaller and less noticeable things such as love, compassion, and kindness.

Responses you wish you had The Courage to Tell to Your Mom’s Common Phrases / Respuestas que Desearas Tener el Corage de Decirle a Las Frases Comunes de Tu Mamas

Yes! I am Latino! I grew up with my grandma and just like every Latina mom, she went to this summer camp where all the moms go to learn all the phrases they need to say to raise their kids properly. However, me with a bunch of researchers have come up with a response to some of these phrases so that the next time you get attacked with these you know how to respond.

Si! Soy Latino! Creci con mi abuela, y al igual que cada madre Latina, ella fue al campamento de Verano donde van todas las mamas para aprender todas esas frases que le tienen que decir a sus hijos. Sin embargo, yo, junto a un grupo de investigadores, nos hicimos de la tarea de salir con una respuesta a estas frases para que puedas defenderte la proxima vez.

Todo lo que me sacrifique por ustedes y asi me pagan / After all the sacrifice I made this is how you pay me

This is in the manipulation group. Your mom constantly claims that she sacrificed so much for you and now you are an ungrateful son or daughter. BUT WAIT A SECOND, you never asked for that sacrifice, is not like you were a sperm and thought: “I’mma mess with your life as soon as I reach the egg”. NO. She willingly had sex with your dad and she willingly ignored all the adoption and abortion papers so now she can’t just make you feel bad because you didn’t make your bed. You had fun making me, so now suck it up.

Esta frase esta en el grupo de manipulacion. Tu mama siempre te dice que ella sacrifico toda su vida y ahora te hace sentir como el hijo o la hija mas malagradecido/a. PERO ESPEREN UN SEGUNDO, yo nunca pedi que te sacrificaras por mi, no es como que yo era un esperma y pense: “hoy te chingo la vida en cuanto llegue al huevo”. NO. Tu mama voluntariamente tuvo sexo con tu papa (al menos eso espero), voluntariamente ignoro los papeles de adopcion y aborto, y ahora no puede hacerte sentir mal porque no arreglaste tu cama. Te divertiste teniendome ahora aguantame.

Ese es el ejemplo que les quieres dar a tus hermanos? / Is that the example that you want to be for your siblings?

Also in the manipulation group. So now you didn’t just sacrifice your life for me so that later I need to sacrifice mine for you, but also you had me just to have a free babysitter for my siblings? I don’t need to be a good example for my siblings, my relationship and the example that I will give them is up to me. It is up to you how well they behave or what kind of people they are going to be. I am not a 3rd parent, I am not a baby sitter, I am not a role model, just for the sake of destiny I was born before they were, that is not my fault, so I shouldn’t have the burden of how they turn out to be.

Tambien en el grupo de las frases de manipulacion. Entonces ahora no solo sacrificaste tu vida por mi para que despues yo la sacrifique por vos, pero si no que tambien me tuviste para que fuera un/a ninero/a gratis para mis hermanos? Yo no tengo que ser un buen ejemplo para mis hermanos. Mi relacion con ellos y el ejemplo que les doy es problema mio. Es TU problema como se comportan ellos o las clases de personas que ellos seran. Yo no soy un segundo padre o madre, no soy ninero/a, no soy un ejemplo a seguir, simplemente tuve la casualidad de haber nacido antes que ellos, esa no fue culpa mia, asi que yo no tengo que tener esa carga de como seran ellos o que ejemplo van a seguir

La acabas de ver y ya le estas hablando? / You just saw her and you’re texting her?

Yes! She is my girlfriend! That is what you do when you are in love, you can never get enough of that person and you want to tell them even how many steps you have taken from the steps to your room. The fact that I just saw her does not mean I don’t want to see her for some time, she is not some kind of drug that I take my dose for a couple of hours and that’s enough.

Si! Ella es mi novia! Eso es lo que uno hace cuando esta enamorado, nunca se cansa de hablar con esa personal y hasta le queres decir cuantos pasos has dado desde la escalera hasta tu cuarto. El hecho de que la acabo de ver no significa que ya me canse y no le voy a hablar por un buen rato, no es como que fuera una droga y que me tomo mi dosis y estoy bien por un par de horas hasta que necesite otra dosis.

EY! EY! EY! Y es que yo estoy pintada o que? / HEY! HEY! HEY! Am I just painted here or what?

So my mom has never said this to me but I have heard it a lot of times. It happens when it looks like you’re just going out without asking your mom, like she wasn’t there or “like she was just painted on the wall”. All the times I have heard this is a complete lie. Most latino kids are scared of their moms, we would not even think of going out without permission if we want to live. Chances are that you asked for permission, your mom said yes (for some miracle) and now she is telling you this right as you leave just because she will not go down without a fight.

Mi mama nunca me dijo esto, pero lo escuche muchas veces. Usualmente pasa cuando estas por salir y tu mama actua como que ella no sabe nada de que ibas a salir. Esta frase es de las que mas enoja porque es una mentira. Todos los hijos e hijas Latinas estamos super asustados por nuestras mamas, nunca pensariamos en salir sin pedir permiso. Lo que siempre pasa es que pediste permiso, tu mama te dijo que si (por milagro) y ahora te esta diciendo esto justo antes que te vayas solo porque nunca se va a rendir sin darte una pelea.

Uno siempre le tiene que andar rogando para que le hagan un favor, pero a los amigos en carrerrita se lo hacen / I always have to beg for a favour, but if it was for your friends you do it right away

A utopian world would be one where all parents are social psychologists. Mom’s fail to understand that yes, for a teenager friends are more important than parents, we spend more time with them, we hang out with them, we share things in common. You have to understand that there is this stage where our social life is very important because it is our chance to build ourselves as individuals outside of parental norms and values. This does not mean I don’t love you, but I am going to spend a lot more time and energy in having a stable social life than being a son. After all, you’re gonna love me no matter what, right?

Una utopia seria donde todas las mamas fueran psicologas sociales. A las mamas les cuesta entender que es verdad que para los jovenes son mucho mas importantes los amigos que los padres. Pasamos mas tiempo con ellos, salimos con ellos, temenos cosas en comun con ellos. Tienen que entender que hay una etapa done nuestra vida social es mucho mas importante porque es ahi donde nos desarrollamos como individuos, fuera de las normas y valores parentales. Esto no significa que no los amemos, pero si voy a gastar mas tiempo y energia en tener una vida social estable que siendo un hijo. Despues de todo, vos me vas a amar sin importer nada, no?

Te guste o no, soy tu madre, asi que te aguantas / Like it or not, I’m your mother, so deal with it

Please, never use this. Being a mother does not mean that you own all the infinity stones, or that you can shift reality however you want to, or that everything you say has to be right. Give me a legit reason when you get mad at me, or why are you not letting me do something or go somewhere. Saying: “because I said so” is not a good reason. This is how you raise kids that later will just bow their heads to authority without any reason.

Por favor, nunca usen esto. Ser una madre no significa que conseguiste todas las gemas del infinito, o que pueden cambiar la realidad como ustedes quieran, o que todo lo que dicen es correcto. Dame una razon legitima por la cual estas enojada, o por que no puedo hacer algo, o por que no puedo ir a algun lugar. Decir: “porque yo digo” no es una Buena razon. de esta manera es como se crecen jovenes que despues solo agacharan la Cabeza ante la autoridad sin ningun motivo

Conclusion

Please listen to your parents, they are the ones who are gonna love you no matter what. They may be wrong in a lot of things, but believe me that they are doing their best to give you the best. Love them, respect them, and appreciate everything they do for you.

On How To Be A Parent: This Is The Voice of The Son/Daughter You Keep Ignoring

“And I speak of educating sons without having a father myself”

I am not a parent, but I am planning to become one, some day, not anytime in the near future, but some day. So if you planned or are planning to become a parent, a question that definitely popped up in your head was: “How can a woman’s vagina stretch so much?” and “How can I be a good parent?” so don’t worry, I am here to give you an insight in the head of your kid. So I want to talk about two things: how we forget that we were once in the son/daughter position and what I think, from a son position, is a good way to raise a kid.

A bit of a background story: My mom was 18 when she had me, my dad was 15, and yeah, I was a mistake (which probably explains all my issues; you’ll never know if I’m joking or not). My dad became an alcoholic at 17, fought with my mom and left. I lived with my mom and grandma, moved to Canada with my mom when I was 4, stayed in Canada for almost 2 years until my mom decided that she could do better and provide better for me if she was by herself, sent me back home. She used to send money to my grandma for my upbringing. I saw my mom until my grandma passed away, when I was 15. Couple of months after my grandma’s death I came back to Canada to live with my mom. I now have a 4-year-old sister, and a 1-month-old brother

So now that you know how unstable my upbringing was then I leave it up to you as to how accurate and valid you think my advice can be. From my experience, I could have turned out a lot worse. Now I will share with you some of the things you can do so that your kid has the same qualities I do, but also some of the things you shouldn’t do if you want to avoid some of the issues I have.

Be Prepared to Have a Kid

Yeah, I know, I started with the first one my parents fucked up. If you are not prepared to have a baby, then don’t have one. If this has never happened to you I’ll give you an idea: imagine one day you wake up ready to have a great day, you take a shower, you dress up nicely, you put some nice cologne, and as soon as you open the door you discover that God has decided to send another flood upon your city; that is how you would feel when you discover you gonna have a baby and you are not ready, this is probably and over simplification, but you get the point.

If you didn’t plan to have a baby, you cannot be ready to love the baby, you cannot be ready to provide for the baby, and you will just fuck up. There are no more restful nights of sleep, there are no more outings with friends, no more movie night, you are lucky if you can get 5 hours of uninterrupted peace, but you have to be ready to give up almost everything in your life to make that baby feel loved. If you do or have any of the things I mentioned above after you have a kid you are already fucking up.

You and Your Partner Are a Team

Raising a baby is pretty much like playing any sport (except that the court is on fire, and the ball is on fire, and everything is on fire): you have to be able to rely on your teammate, but you also have to pull your own weight. But you have to be careful here because doing to much can take your partner to do nothing and the opposite is also true.

Remember that your relationship is the crib in which that baby is going to rest. Your priority, even before the baby, has to be to give enough support, love and attention to your partner, to build a strong and loving relationship; once you have achieved that, believe me that when you work together, the rest works out easily.

Do Not Be Your Kids Friend

You are the parent, not his buddy, not his bff, no, nothing, you are nothing but the parent, I cannot stress that enough.

Your kids don’t need to find a friend in you, they’ll have friends in school, in the neighborhood, and pretty much everywhere they go, they are kids, their nature is to be friendly. A friend cannot tell him or her what to do, but a parent can. He or she can punch, scream, and insult a friend, but not a parent. I have heard a lot of times this bullshit of “you have to be their friend so they can trust you and blah blah blah”. NO. DON’T.

Being a parent is the opposite of being a friend. It’s inspiring trust, but with respect and attitude, it’s teaching and guiding, it’s loving unconditionally, it’s protecting and providing. Being a friend is doing stupid shit that you will remember with humor in the future, is doing the opposite of what your parents tell you, is telling each other secrets that nobody else knows.

There is a line that separates this from an unhealthy relationship and knowing where that line is is important. For instance, your son shouldn’t hide from you the fact that he killed someone, but he could hide that he skipped school to go chill with his friends. Your kids are gonna have secrets, they are gonna do the opposite of what you tell them, but that is a sign of a healthy child, that is a sign that they are creating their own identity.

You Were Not Born in Your 30’s

I get it, now you are a wise and omniscient father or mother, but aside from the fact that this would have been really painful for your mother, you were not born as an adult and you have to remember that you were a kid once.

You also did things that you were not supposed to do, you talked to that friend your mom told you not to talk to, you went out with that boy your dad didn’t like, maybe you even did drugs and drank when you were not supposed to and now you are making your kid feel like shit because he or she is also doing the things you did? smells like hypocrisy here.

Look, I get that as a parent you want the best for us, better things that you have and follow a path better than the one you followed, but that does not take away the fact that we also want to make mistakes, we also want to spend our money in stupid ways, we also want to idiotically fall in love with the wrong person. I am not justifying the stupid behavior that some kids have, but I am justifying the normal mistakes that every human being has to make in order to grow and learn. If you take the time to know the differences between punishable behavior and normal mistake, then you will have succeeded as a parent. I am also not saying that there are some bad things that are permissible, but there are a range of disciplinary actions that as a parent you can take according to the wrong-doing of your child.

I grew up getting my ass beaten by my grandma. There are some things that I really thank her for, because I really needed that piece of wood across my back, but there are some things that I would have understood with a simple talk. I guess my advice would be: punish your kid, always, cause they are stupid and they need to learn, but know how to do it; know that good and bad are a spectrum not just black and white.

What is this all about?

I’ve always had a wandering mind. I really can’t go through my day without being aware of all the things that go on inside my head; most of it is just bullshit, like lets be honest, we all have thought about something like how many ants it would take to cushion your fall from the top of a 20-stories building. However, a decent number of those thought are important, at least I think they are important. I spend a lot of time thinking about all these questions: what does it take to be a good parent? What is a smart way to file taxes? Why do we even have to file taxes? How to buy your first car? Where did religion come from and are any of them true or necessary? What makes some actions good or bad? Why are we even here, like what the fuck? What is love? How about the meaning of life?

I am not going to claim to have the answers to these questions, of course I am going to try to persuade you that what I believe is right (if not then why the heck would I believe it), but I will always be open to hearing your opinion and change my mind if you are logical and convincing enough.

This blog is about just a normal individual with everyday experiences and with opinions in different topics; opinions that have been built upon a decent amount of thinking, reading, and research.

But why?

Two main reasons come to mind if someone asks me why I decided to start a blog.

The first is that I enjoy writing. I feel like more than cathartic it gives me a chance to have a conversation with myself. A lot of the times when I have an idea just in my head it sounds completely different when I type it; I discover flaws, or just that is completely wrong. Writing has filled up my loneliness, it made me find a friend that I did not know I could have, it has made me be critical of myself and of my opinions, and it has allowed me to correct them or reinforce them

I could do this just in a Word document or in a physical journal, which I have been doing all these years, but the second reason gets to the part of why starting an online blog that everyone can see.

In my opinion the internet has been the greatest thing that could have happened to humanity in terms of connecting us with one another. I get that your son may prefer to be on his phone than being part of a family dinner and I still dare to say that the internet helps us connect, but that is a topic for another time.

I have met people that also have the questions I have and the thought I have, but they do not share them at first until we get really comfortable with one another. I believe that there are a lot of things that happen in the lives of each and every one of us and we feel weird, we feel like we are alone, like nobody on earth can understand us. I want this corner of the internet to be a place where you can find someone that has gone through what you have gone through. I get that sometimes it can be difficult to express yourself in the real world and the internet gives you the anonymity to do that without that fear.

So, here you will find a bit of everything, my opinion (sometimes backed up by evidence) on a number of topics: religion, politics, friendship, love, morality, maybe even music and sports. I’m just here to share my opinion with the world.